We live in a fast-paced world, and the demand to deliver our best, whether at work, at school, or in personal pursuits, is inescapable. This pressure actually stems mainly from praise and external expectations. Either one can be a powerful motivator, yet both can also bring their own challenges. Praise and external expectations guide the way we live our lives, but knowing how they differ and how they have an impact on us is crucial for leading a rounded lifestyle and having a positive mindset.
The Role of Praise
Recognise with praise Praise is one of the simplest ways to validate the actions, achievements or efforts of that person. When we do something well, and have it acknowledged—be that with words of affirmation, awards, accolades, etc.—we can feel elated. Praising is a form of positive reinforcement. It pays for effort and results, and it builds self-esteem, confidence, and motivation.
But praise doesn’t only have positive impact. The kind of praise you get can shape how you feel about it. For example:
- Praise for hard work: The idea here is to not praise the result, but rather the effort. Praising and reinforcing effort builds a growth mindset, so we are willing to give things a try and improve.
- Outcome-Based Praise: This highlights the success of an action, such as winning a competition or wrapping up a project. While praising individuals for an outcome can feel good in the moment, it also has the downside of encouraging people to prioritize the pursuit of success at all costs, which ultimately leads to stress and burnout or fear of failure.
Praise is something external, but it doesn’t need to come from others. Celebrating your own progress — internal praise — can be equally powerful. Acknowledge your achievements to cultivate a self-worth that isn’t contingent on the work we ‘give’ to others.
External Expectations: The Curse and the Boon
External pressures come from many places—family, friends, employers, teachers and society as a whole. Such expectations can influence our behaviors and our goals and propel us toward success. For example, a parent may expect that their child will do well in academics or in sports, or a boss may expect their employee to always exceed performance objectives. To meet this bar, all standards are most often non-negotiable, and while striving to meet said expectations usually leads to feelings of inadequacy or disappointment.
But there is a dark side to external expectations. When people feel like they have to be perfect to be accepted by these people, this leads to stress, anxiety and non-fulfilment. The more a person tries to conform to a standard dictated by others, the less they may feel they’re living authentically. They might instead put their energy into meeting the demands of others.
External expectations pose a number of challenges:
- Pressure to Compromise: Keeping up with external expectations may also result in surrendering to your own will. People will have to decide to do as society dictates them to instead of expressing what they actually want or feel.
- Perfectionism: High external expectations can breed perfectionism. The perfectionists fear failure or believe they should do everything well, to meet the demands from the outside world, and this can cause burnout or continuous dissatisfaction.
- Psychological Effect: Not living up to outside expectations can result in shame, guilt, or failure. Some individuals will internalize this, taking it as a reflection of their moral fiber instead of a lesson they can learn.
The Balance: High Praise and Expectations
Praise and external expectations are both necessary, but finding the right balance is key. The praise, we were told, has to be tied to something constructive, something specific about the effort or progress rather than the results. This helps develop resilience and the ability to learn from mistakes.
External pressures are the opposite — while things like pressure from our peers can drive us in positive directions, we need to be careful to separate out healthy motivation from pressure that leaves us unhappy and struggling. The trick is figuring how to have boundaries, figure out your values, live the life you want, set success on your own terms.” Instead of letting outside expectations become the focus, you should pursue goals that are self-selected and motivated.”
Best Practices for Handling Praise and the External Pressure:
- Have Awareness of Yourself: Know what drives you Are you pursuing goals for its their own sake because you agreed to do so at some point, even though they don’t really mean anything to you? Regularly reflect on your motivations and adjust accordingly if necessary.
- Take a Stand: If you feel like you’re on the verge of being crushed by others’ needs, say no, or negotiate the requirements placed on you. Make room for you in order to take care of you and achieve balance.
- Praise to Alexa: Reframe Invoking praise as an growth tool vs Validation. Use it to reward effort and progress as opposed to just success.
- Welcome Failure as an Opportunity to Grow: Praise and other external expectations can create fear of failure. Instead of considering failure as something that should be avoided, recognize it as an opportunity for education and growth.
- Look within for a sense of satisfaction: It is good to get external validation, but make sure you are getting internally validated as well by achieving small milestones. Realizing your own growth helps you build an enduring sense of self-confidence that’s not dependent on others’ validation.
Conclusion
Mistaking praise and external expectations for true validation. We want everyone to recognize us, we are working hard to meet others’ standards, but the ultimate satisfaction is the alignment between outer pressure and inner urges. By being intentional about this balance we can keep a sound mind while working hard in every aspect of our lives.
